Taking a break

As many of you know I was in my two week wait and going crazy. I had lots of symptoms and many of them looked like we might be pregnant. I took an HPT (home pregnancy test) Friday before we left to go camping and it was negative. However, it was a few days before I was supposed to be testing so I was not too concerned. Well,while camping I began to spot and started AF (aunt flow). I was really upset. :( I was relaxing in the tent while Marc was fishing when I realized and got extremely sad because I had to tell Marc we weren't pregnant. An intense sense of guilt came over me. It's my fault and my body making this journey so hard. I am afraid Marc will hold it against me or begin to resent me because it's such a struggle for us. So when I told him I cried, HARD. He was great just held me and reassured me he doesn't hold it against me or resent me for it. It was good to hear, but still in the back of my mind I have a fear of him having bad feelings toward me. In the moments of tears and sadness we had a very serious talk. TTC (trying to conceive) is emotionally and financially draining. We have been trying for a year and a half with out any real results except a huge hole in our hearts (and wallet). We decided we need to spend time refocusing our energy on each other and find peace in the fact that we have an amazing life. So after a year and a half of trying, lots of negative tests, thousands of dollars and many tears....we are taking a break from TTC. We are in a good place right now with it and both think it's the best thing to do.

In true Henderson fashion we have decided while we take a break from TTC we will party like ROCKSTARS. No need for us to sulk in what has not happened yet or worry about when it is going to. This break is to help us relax and enjoy the life we have together. What better way to enjoy life then be a little reckless and celebrate every moment we have together! We are young and have tons of time to be parents. There is a reason for this....there has to be! We will try very hard to find out why and someday it will be clear. Until then it's going to be about us for a while, back to exploring all the reasons we love each other so much, back  to the days where such heavy hearted emotions were not in our vision, back to the proud feelings of our accomplishments we have gained through our hard work! We have in no way given up. We will be parents someday, but right now we can't handle all the tears and broken hearts. Someday we will get back to trying.

We are not looking for sympathy, sadness, or pity from any of you. We are looking for understanding from you that we don't want to talk much about it, so please don't ask. The break starts today....out of sight out of mind for a while. We are so thankful for all the love and support you have all given us, we are truly blessed, and will keep you updated. When we know you will know! So for now let's toast to an amazing life and enjoying every minute of it! PARTY LIKE A ROCKSTAR!!!!!


The video below is what is on my vlog. Thought you might like to see it. The music is the best part. :)