Holy Crap....That actually happened.

As most of you know Marc and I found out we are PREGNANT!!!! I just wanted to blog about really how it went down and really how big of a miracle it actually is.

Ok, after a 9 month (I said 6 in my last blog, but my math isn't so good. LOL) break Marc and I decided to head back to our RE and jump on the bandwagon. While there we were diagnosed with unknown reasons for infertility since our labs are good and my PCOS does not effect me as much as it could. ANY WHO...we decided to do IVF. This means 12 weeks of drugs and the procedure in June.

Here we are waiting for my cycle to start so we can get jumping on this wagon. Since I knew once I started the medication I couldn't drink, I spent the next few weeks having a hell of a time! Marc and I just enjoyed each minute together and had a ton of fun! ;) Well the week my cycle was supposed to start it didn't. Of course it didn't....why would it start the one time I wanted it to? I called my doctor and she said we should wait until Friday (a week after I probably should have started) and if my cycle hadn't started by then they would give me something. OK, now I am waiting an entire week...HOLY CRAP...are you kidding me! We all know I HATE waiting!!! So I am talking to my mom on the phone that night and she said "Wouldn't it be funny if you were pregnant?" REALLY MOM....we have tried for 2 1/2 years WITH medical interventions and that hasn't gotten it done, I KNOW we can't do it on our own....she just laughed. Now mind you Marc and I have already taken out the loan for our IVF. So the next morning I wake up and like anyone who has been TTC for a while, I have tons of pregnancy tests just chilling in my bathroom. Something told me I should take one. So...before I took a shower I took a test. Then I looked at it and swore I saw a line....but how could there be a second line? This is not possible! NO FREAKING WAY!!! So I took a shower and came back, sure enough there was a faint line. I about shit my pants. NO KIDDING.....I started screaming for Marc to come upstairs. At first he didn't see the line then when I moved the test he did!!! The line was so faint  we didn't want to get our hopes up. I went to work and showed a few people (who I would trust with my life) the picture....OF COURSE I TOOK A PICTURE OF IT! I TAKE PICTURES OF EVERYTHING!!!!! They were all pretty certain there was a line. FREAKING OUT I called my doctor and set up a blood test. I went home at lunch and took a digital test just to make sure. Sure enough....PREGNANT!!! Now I was really freaking out! I texted my husband the picture and I think it was at that moment this whole thing became real for us!

I head to the doctor in shock. They took my blood and told me I have to wait until the next day to find out my results....it was the longest 24 hours of my life! They call me the next day and tell me the test is positive, but my HCG levels (pregnancy hormone) is only a 23 which is kind of low. SO, I had to go back Monday morning for another test. All weekend, every symptom, sign, anything I was convinced was something bad...or was it? It was like I was f'ing with my own head. Being calm after so long of negative experiences when TTC is hard to say the least. So I go in Monday morning and they draw my blood. I wait and wait all day for a call. Finally at 4:30 I called myself, but the office was closed (which I knew) Not even 5 minutes later they call. My HCG had jumped to the 300's. YAY This was the moment I knew it was all real. We really are pregnant!!!!!! (So of course it had to be posted on Facebook haha)

Now don't get me wrong I am only about 5 weeks pregnant. I still have fears of miscarrying and other things going wrong. I think that comes from knowing too much about infertility and whatever else. It's nice to be educated, but there is something to be said about ignorance is bliss. This morning I had some spotting of dark blood and some cramping..obviously I FREAKED OUT!!! My doctor called me to set up our first ultra sound and when I mentioned that to her she told me it wasn't something to be too concerned about...it happens with a lot of people...let's just see how the ultra sound goes. That all put me at ease which is good.

I am still wrapping my head around the fact that I am pregnant. I have been blessed with a miracle! Who would have thought we could have done this naturally. I am a true believer all the positive thoughts and prayers we received from all of you helped in achieving this miracle. If you don't mind could you continue such things as we head through this pregnancy? We are very appreciate of all the love we have received. Our friends and family are amazing, I am fortunate to have the best doctors in the world and my husband is beyond words! I promise to keep everyone updated on our journey! Here's to a happy and healthy next 9 months and a beautiful baby at the end!!!!!!

The waiting is killing me

So now that Marc and I have made the decision to do IVF it seems as though the thing we are waiting for to get started is taking it's sweet ass time. I mean really, every month for 2 years I have been hoping not to get it and to be pregnant. The one month I need it to start before we can move forward in our journey it's not here! YOU HAVE TO BE KIDDING ME!!!! We all know I am not the most patient person as it is and to know this is what we are waiting for to go forward with the one thing we are most excited about, it's KILLING ME!!!!! This whole infertility process is a waiting game, has been for 2 years.... I am just so ready for it to be over!!!!!

I also struggle with how to feel about the whole process. I mean, do I stay positive and think it's going to work only to be that much more disappointed if it doesn't or do I stay skeptical and not be as upset if it doesn't? I feel much different about the IVF cycle considering the percentage our doctor gave us...I am much more positive, in fact I am just making plans as if it is going to work, but I still get a little nervous....the unknown is a scary thing.

You know what does rock though? My family and friends! I know I say that in every blog, but seriously they are amazing. I am very much looking forward to spring break and all the lunch dates I have planned and the time I get to spend with all of them. This journey would be much  worse with out all the amazing love and support I have gotten. Life is pretty amazing....now if this process could just speed up a tad bit I would be very happy!

Reactions to IVF

Isn't it crazy that one decision, one moment in time, one conversation can change the whole course of your life? That's exactly how I feel with deciding to move forward with IVF. The ink is on paper for the doctors office, the loan is processing through as we have been qualified and the magic is off and running. I think the reason it is so life altering for me is because I have a strong feeling this is going to work. To be honest with you, I did not have these feelings when TTC on clomid and/or doing the IUI's. I was very skeptical that those would work, knowing deep down (pretty sure) they weren't going to help. I don't have that with the IVF. I am in a really good place, I feel fantastic and I am super positive about the experience and journey we are about to embark on. You know when you just know things are going to go well? That is how I am feeling about the IVF. The last time I had this feeling was when I met Marc. I knew from day one that he was going to be in my life forever. That worked out, so I am hopeful this will as well.

The reactions from my friends and family have been amazing, kind of overwhelming. I knew everyone was holding good thoughts for us and wanting us to succeed in our journey. What I was not prepared for was the truly emotional reactions and deepest love I received from many of my friends and family. It really opened my eyes that decisions like this not only effect us, but those around us. It also proves the fact that I am the luckiest girl in the world to have people in my life that care so deeply about me! It truly moving and brings me to tears that others can love so deeply. To each of you, I want you to know I love you and cherish each moment we have together and am so thankful to have you here for this journey.

I can't believe how relaxed I am.....I mean starting 2 years ago when we began the TTC journey I think I have been wound up pretty tight, not sleeping very well and always pretty anxious wanting to become a mom. I would cry at the drop of a hat, or the mention of babies and the conversation of why we don't have any yet. It has been a very long, stressful, emotional CRAZY CONFUSING 2 years. Although we are not yet pregnant, I am much more relaxed and excited about our jounrney. We have a plan, one I am confident in and it's all about waiting at this point. In the past few days since we have made this decision I am sleeping like a rock and sleeping in way past what I normally am capable of. I truly believe I am at peace with our journey and I can relax for a while. It is much needed. I am in a much better mood and am enjoying things just that much more! It has put life into perspective and I am unwilling to waste energy on people or things that are not positive in my life. All I care about is enjoying this time an becoming a mommy.

I am so thankful to have Marc on this journey with me. He has been the most supportive, amazing, loving man through this whole process. I know us struggling to conceive is not any easier for him than me and I know it isn't easy for him to see me so upset, but he has been a trooper. I couldn't imagine going through this very painful experience with out him by my side. I love Marc more each day and am truly blessed to have such a strong and amazing man in my life.

I will continue to blog about my journey as it is very therapeutic for me and an easy way to get all the information out. I am looking forward to seeing what the next year brings for the Henderson family!

IVF it is!

I had both my OBGYN and RE appointments today. Nothing like getting it all out of the way in one day, right!?

The baby dust I take with me. Got it from a dear friend!

The OBGYN went fine. As to be expected. The RE didn't go like I thought it was going to. We met with my RE to decide what our next steps are going to be. I walked in thinking we would change the drugs I was taking to induce ovulation and do another IUI. Well, walking in she told us she was concerned that we were not pregnant yet. According to her 80% of people with PCOS and the labs we have should have been pregnant by now. GREAT!!!!! So now we are labeled under the "unknown" reason for infertility. COOL!! She started off by telling us that if we do another round of IUI we would have a 15% chance of getting pregnant, but that after 3 rounds of IUI's they recommend IVF. Guess what the chance of pregnancy with IVF is for us with the labs we have......75-80%. HOLY CRAP!!!! The draw back you ask.....MONEY!!! It's a shit ton of money. The only reason the RE could come up with that we aren't pregnant yet is because the sperm and eggs are not being able to connect and  IVF will take care of that. It's a lot to think about. We can get it financed and pay some of it ourselves, but it's a lot of money..........

Here's the thing....We REALLY want to be parents and if we didn't spend the money on this we would spend it on something else. It is absolutely worth it to us to have the IVF and become parents. With this there is a timeline and something we can feel positive about and look forward to....SO.....we have decided to do IVF!!!!! WOW!!!!! It's real...it's really going to happen! I guess I just sort of thought it wouldn't have to get to IVF, but we are lucky we can make it happen. It may be the only way we can get pregnant.



I will begin drugs/shots/whatever else for 12 weeks once my cycle starts. Then, in the 2nd week of June we will do an egg retrieval and then an implantation. Everything is done in my RE's office and she is very enthusiastic that it will work. Although the money is large and may take time to recover from, it will all be worth it when we can hold our baby (or babies...apparently there is a 50% chance of twins) in our arms and further our family like we have always wanted. Now we can be part of  TEAM 2013! :)

This is truly a scary time and I have a lot of anxiety about if it doesn't work or the amount of money it will take, but I keep thinking that if we don't take the chance and believe it will work we will regret it forever. I am just so happy we have such supportive and loving friends and family that are here for us. We love each and everyone of you! Please keep us in your thoughts...we can use all the good vibes we can get!