So much for my 2 week wait!

So much for my two week wait! I was super grumpy last night and couldn’t figure out why. I also had some pain in my legs (which usually means cramps) but I ignored it since I thought it would be at least 2 weeks before my period would even start. Well I was wrong. I should have known….with my cramps in my legs, my piss poor attitude and the little amount of acne on my face…all signs of my period coming! The funniest part is last night I told Marc if I am not pregnant this round I want another puppy. So when I went to the bathroom this morning I came out and told him “I guess we are getting a another puppy!” I held the tears in for almost 5 minutes then just broke down. Marc held me and was obviously sad, but being very supportive. When he left for work the “ugly cry” came out. I was uncontrollable. I just kept thinking this isn’t fair what did I do to deserve this? Also, I feel bad for Marc because the reason we are struggling has everything to do with me and nothing to do with him. How can I not feel guilty about that? He continues to assure me it’s not my fault, but it’s really hard not to feel like it is. Needless to say I am in a shitty mood today. It’s really good I only have 3 days of work left because today I just wanted to curl up on my couch and cry……


I am not sure why I had this reaction because I had prepared myself (or thought I did) for this outcome. I only had one follicle and Marc’s count wasn’t so high when we did the IUI. Also, I had ovulated from my left side which is the side more effected by my PCOS and sits on top of my uterus, plus from all the research I have done the % of couples who are successful with the first round of IUI is REALLY small. I think it’s because the bad news came a week earlier than I thought it was going to. It really just never gets easier. Every time my period shows up I think maybe it will never happen, but I don’t like thinking that way because I am not sure I really believe that. I have a call in to my doctor to start the process all over again. At least this time I will not have to take any time off of work for all the ultra sounds and what not. So again I ask, please keep your fingers crossed, think good thoughts and pray if that’s your kind of thing this time for me to ovulate from the right side with more follicles.

I plan to drink heavily this weekend with my best friend and hubby, shoot my gun and ride my ATV. These are all things that make me feel better and I refuse to stay in the depression mode because it sucks! I will give myself the rest of today to feel shitty about it and then it will be time to move on. I continue to be amazed by the amount of support we have and also how many people actually have gone through this or are going through this same thing right now. Like I said in one of my first blogs we need to talk to each other more. You just never know who will have the thing that will make you feel better or inspire you. I hope that my blog not only makes me feel better, but helps others going through the same thing! And it’s not even just for the woman; this is a struggle for the men in our lives too. Marc has been amazingly supportive, but I know he is sad. We need to support them as well. Infertility affects so many parts of our lives and we need to be able to communicate with each other and understand what the other person needs. I am truly blessed to have the husband I do! I can’t say that enough!!!!! I LOVE YOU MARC!!!!!!

So that’s my update for the day. Not really the update I wanted to be giving, but that’s life…….